4th Graders Don't Die Hard
by NewBlood7
Summary: Ever since I re-watched Die Hard I wanted to make a South Park like parody. I know that South Park already sort of did a Die Hard parody, but I wanted to do an actual one. When Stan is snuffed from a party by Wendy, who has been feeling neglected, he decides to crash it. The party quickly goes wrong as a certain celebrity takes everyone hostage. Takes a similar plot of Die Hard


In a quiet little mountain town it would be easy to dismiss, but multiple odd occurrences took place here. However in school everything seemed to be normal. Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny walked together out of the classroom as they always did.

"You are so lying, there is no way that Pluto isn't a planet anymore" Cartman argued with Kyle.

"It so is, it's categorized as something… different now" Kyle argued back, as they walked down the halls.

Stan mostly ignored them as he though to himself. Last night Stan was starting to feel a little down, hanging out with his friends always cheered him up. That and some alcohol, but there was no way to smuggle any into school. As Stan walked by he noticed Heidi standing at Wendy's locker and talking with her.

"Hopefully we both can make it, I'd want at least one person I know at the party" Heidi told Wendy.

"I know how you feel, I'm definitely gonna make it… so no worries" Wendy smiled back.

Stan broke away from his group, them jabbering on as he did. He approached Wendy as she waved by to Heidi. He tried to play it cool, they haven't seen each other in a while. He was too busy hanging out with Kyle and his friends.

"I overheard something about a party? Is it like… an all-girls thing or something?" Stan tried to strike up conversation.

Wendy was digging in her locker as she didn't bother to face Stan.

"No" She answered simply.

Stan knew what this meant, her tone wasn't very assuring. He knew he had done something wrong, but didn't know what.

"S- Sorry about ease dropping, I just wanted to check up on you is all" Stan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"It's fine, but since when do you care?" Wendy asked finally facing him.

"W- What do you mean?" Stan stuttered unsure.

"You usually hang out with Kyle and Eric. I haven't seen you in months, so I figured you didn't care" Wendy shrugged.

She didn't seem mad, but rather a different feeling.

"I'm sorry I haven't been spending time with you…" He trailed off, realizing his folly.

"I'm not mad Stan, I'm just disappointed" Wendy closed her locker.

She started to walk away, Stan quickly following next to her.

"Wait wait, hold on! I can make it up to you, let me walk you to class. Or hold your books" Stan tried to be gentlemanly.

Wendy sighed as she stopped and turned to face Stan.

"I'm used to it by now Stan. I know what your priorities are" Wendy held her books under her arms.

"You're my priorities! Let me come to this party and spend some time with you!" Stan held her gloved hands.

"It's not that kind of party Stan, it's a company party and an important opportunity for my mom. You'd have to be invited" Wendy touched his hand back, finally walking away fully.

"Damn it!" Stan mumbled under his breath, knowing this spelt trouble.

He quickly tried to catch up to the gang, but they had already parted ways. Only Cartman stood there, talking with Butters.

"Guys you gotta help me!" He ran to them for assistance.

"Dude what's got you all sweaty?" Cartman replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I need to go to Wendy's stupid party! I haven't been spending time with her and she feels neglected! I don't want a repeat of what happened last time" Stan explained, worried.

"Oh yes, I know of that party" Cartman touched his chin.

"Really?! That's great dude! You should give me the location so I can crash it!" Stan jumped excited.

"Ah ah ah, not so fast. I will give you that information, but this is Wendy we are talking about. And… I know you'd do anything for her" Cartman smugly wrapped his arm around him.

"God, alright what do you want fatass?" Stan saw his manipulation but didn't have a choice currently.

"Let me have your Xbox for a few months" Cartman told him.

"Ok whatever, I don't even want to know why. Just take it" Stan rolled his eyes. Cartman just smiled as he shook his hand.

"You are so predictable Stan" He stated

Once Stan got the location, date and every other information detail he needed it was time to go. Stan paced around back and forth, staring out the window of his house into the mid dusk sky.

"Come on dad!" Stan yelled up the stairs.

His father was always making them late, and this was important to Stan. Eventually Randy staggered down the stairs, obviously very wasted.

"Oh god! Dad!" Stan cried in anguish.

"Huh? What is it Stan?" Randy asked, naively.

"You were supposed to drive me to Wendy's party!" He replied, outraged how he could have forgotten.

"Oh shit! That was today? Oh… well don't worry I can still drive, where are my keys?" Randy looked around slowly.

"Dad no! I'm not letting you get another DUI! Just forget it!" Stan quickly rushed out the front door.

"I'll find my own ride!" He called out, closing the door behind him.

"Ok, have a good time" Randy slurred, stumbling into the kitchen.

Stan rushed to the bus stop, but as he did he noticed a taxi driving by.

"Taxi! Over here!" Stan jumped, trying to get it's attention.

The car pulled over, prompting Stan to quickly get in the back.

"I need to get to the tower" He explained to the driver.

"Alright, I can take you there" The driver told him.

Stan recognized the voice. He looked up and faced the driver as he did the same thing. The mustache and beard was enough to give it away.

"Kyle's dad?!" Stan stated, surprised.

"Oh hey Stan! It's been awhile huh?" Gerald smiled at Stan through the car's mirrors.

"Wait wait wait, aren't you a lawyer?" Stan questioned.

"I still am, but on weekends I'm doing this to earn extra money. It keeps me off the computer, which we both know ehehe is best for me" He laughed nervously.

"Tell me about it" Stan replied, remembering the events caused by Skankhunt.

After a few minutes they arrived at the new tower that had been built.

"Thank you for the ride! Wendy here I come!" Stan opened the back door to the taxi.

"Doing this for a lady huh? I get it. So the plan is that your girl sees you, you run into each other's arms, the music comes on and you live happily ever after?" Gerald asked, with a smug grin.

Stan just looked back at Gerald as he closed the door on him. Stan stared up at the tower, frightened by what could lye ahead. But he was going to do this, it might be a bit boring but he was ready to go through it for Wendy. Little did he know that this would be the least boring day of his life.


End file.
